Suddenly – even amidst a personal Botox crisis and the pressure of being the only person alive who doesn’t see the clever allegories in Squid Game – the world feels a tiny bit right again.
Kylie Minogue has confirmed to the BBC she’s saying ta-ta guv’na to London and moving back to Melbourne after 30 years! Yes. “I spent a lot of time with my family this year in Australia and it felt really good,” she said.
Kylie Minogue, seen here performing in London in September, is coming home. CREDIT:GETTY IMAGES Glitter cannons, start exploding along the eastern seaboard now. In cultural terms, Kylie is our Elgin Marbles. She settled in and looked comfortable for a long time in the UK, but always truly belonged here. Forget hanging with Jamiroquai and Christmas shows at the Royal Albert Hall. The woman was born to be ready at any minute to set up a trestle at the Camberwell Market, head to Gate 2 at the ’G or hit up the Chadstone food court.
Even when she adopted that weird hybrid accent, she always, always, stayed a total supporter of Australia, jaunty tourism ads included. Even during the pandemic when other stars who don’t live here any more (you, Rebel Wilson) saw it as their business to criticise our lockdown policies on a world stage while tastelessly flaunting Mediterranean yacht holidays. Now, with our international reputation bedevilled by submarine brouhahas, climate change spinelessness and border restrictions, the decision by a star with the money to live absolutely anywhere to run towards us says a lot.
Kylie Minogue and Craig McLachlan on the show Neighbours.
CREDIT:GRUNDY ORGANISATION
It’s PR our country can’t buy. It’s saying loud and clear that our troubled, frustrating, incredible island is still the best place on the planet to live and, hey people, I’m going to be there with you for the grand reopening.
The intriguing bit will be what Kylie does with her life when she unpacks the hot pants in Melbourne. At an ageless 53 and beyond rich, is she slowly winding down her storied career or planning to still record and tour from an antipodean base?
Hopefully it’s the latter. Imagine Kylie cruising up from her Blairgowrie bolthole to meet Barnesy and Farnesy at Tulla for a Village People tribute tour. Duetting with Guy Pearce on a bluesy ballad. Smashing it as the grand final headliner. Singing Better The Devil You Know with Paul Robinson at Lassiters.
As to why now, I imagine it’s for the best reasons. Family. Roots. Like plenty of us, Kylie is probably wanting – needing – to be closer to ageing parents and keen to have Thermomix Thursdays with her sister and be more than a bystander in the lives of nephews and nieces.
Kylie, welcome home. We look forward to pretending we’re not staring when we see you in aisle five.
Kate Halfpenny is a regular columnist at The Age